This review* is possibly NSFW...which, of course, makes it more fun.
A few months ago I was contacted about a brand new "stimulator" that was coming to the market, Intensity. It's called a "women's health and stimulation device" and many women who have tried it rate it on a 1-10 scale as a 12 or 13. (That's pretty good, in case you were wondering.)
So, being a woman who has taken many, many improv classes ("yes! and!"), and who is also not one to say no to a free gift--especially ones that promise an "eruption of orgasmic sensation"--I was immediately like, "OK."
So I waited. And waited. And probably told one or two friends that my new boyfriend would be arriving by mail any day now. And then I told my new boyfriend that my new boyfriend would be arriving by mail any day now.
And then it arrived.
The Packaging
The packaging looks like this. (It's pretty, if not a little silly with the "In" highlighted in another color. Yes, thank you, I know where it goes.)
Please note the label, "intimate health and stimulation." I am all for being healthy! Especially with my no-no.
When you open the package, here is what the flap says:
INFLATES?? WHAT INFLATES?! But we will get to that in a moment...
...in the meantime, they put an asterisk next to "orgasm"...which, unless it's a holiday or a special anniversary, I don't normally like (HEY-O!). The asterisk denotes that this statement is "According to the American Urogynecologic Society". This society has a logo that has already taught me more about the female reproductive system than I got in sixteen years of Christian education, so it must be legit.
So...rock on for that, AUGS!
Anyway, here is what the device looks like in the package:
Here you'll notice that, like all good things made for ladies, the device is pink. Also, note the scantily clad amputee pictured here. This conveys to me that this device is so good, you won't even need your arms, legs or head afterwards.
(Yeah, yeah, I'm being snarky about the packaging, I know this. Overall, the packaging was really lovely and matched the price-point of the device. And not to worry, if you decide to purchase, it'll be shipped very discreetly.)
The Device
Anyway, Let's get on to the device, which has been soft-focused because that's more romantic:
At first glance, it looks a lot like your run-of-the-mill Rabbit device: a handle with control buttons, the standard rabbit ear massager, followed by what I like to refer affectionately to as "the pointy end."
Most of you are familiar with this look...but many of you will notice that metal plate there near the top of "the pointy end" is not typically part of a Rabbit device.
Just you wait.
So anyway, here is what the Intensity Stimulator looks like from the side, soft-focused again for your pleasure:
OH. MY. GOD. BECKY.
So, for those of you who don't know, this is NOT your typical Rabbit shape. First of all, why does it look like my curling iron had an affair with a one armed baby-doll? Why are there ridges? What is going on with that bulge-y thing??
And then I remembered:
Ah...INFLATES! That giant protuberance is an inflator thingie. OK, interesting twist. Ah AH! And the ridges are like that because it's un-inflated.
Good idea in theory, right? But would it work in practice? AND WHAT ABOUT THOSE METAL PLATES?!
Those dudes? Are electrodes.
Remember how I said this device was originally developed for women with incontinence? Well, those little electrodes, when covered in conducting gel and inserted into the vagina actually stimulate the pelvic floor muscles to do a little something I like to call "vaginal jumping jacks."
This kind of therapy for the pelvic floor muscles isn't new, but this is the first company to get feedback from women who were using the medical grade device and reporting, "Um, yeah, I was using this because I used to pee myself? And it also feels really good?" So they decided to make a mass-market version for, you know, the masses.
By now you're probably like, "Yeah, thanks for all the description and stuff. Did you LIKE it?"
The Review
My experience with the device was...interesting.
Of course, I was pretty pumped to get it. This thing retails for $249.99, which, besides the one super rich dude I dated, is just about the fanciest thing I've ever let near my girl.
But even after a few tries, it ended up being a lot like my experience with the super rich dude: I just couldn't get into it.
First of all...
...the thing is not waterproof. So that means you're smearing electrode gel all over it, and then whatever else you want to use with it, then actually USING it, and after all that, you can only wipe it down with a damp cloth and mild soap. Sure, it gets it clean, but I wanted to dunk it under a stream of running water and scrub it down.
But you can't, because electrodes.
Second...
...the material it's made of--phthalate-free PC-ABS/silicone in a matte finish--has a very strange texture. It's almost...sticky for lack of a better word. It's pretty much a disaster if you happen to have flannel sheets.
Third...
...the vibrator part (the "rabbit" arm), for me, was mis-sized to the rest of the toy (i.e. the ratio of the length of the vibrating arm was "off" with the length of the device). To get the electrodes placed comfortably meant that the vibrator was jammed uncomfortably against my clitoris.
But on to the electrodes, (which are the selling feature of the device).
I think the premise of the electrodes is pretty great. Weakness in the pelvic floor muscles is a very common problem among women. The kind of PFM therapy this device offers has helped many, many women with PFM issues.
I'm really happy for those women. I wish I could jump out of my chair and be like, "OMG! The electrodes feel super great when they get all drill sergeant up in my business!"
But I can't.
The best way I can put it is that this device just didn't "fit" me. It wasn't comfortable, at all...I tried more electrode gel, less electrode gel, inflating and deflating and every other combination you can think of to make this thing comfortable for me. No dice.
The electrodes have 10 settings, with 1 being the least amount of stimulation, and 10 being, "Oh hey, all the lights are flickering in my house." I didn't feel anything on setting 1 or 2, definitely felt my muscles contracting on setting 3, and then when I got brave enough to try setting 4, holy ouchie pain.
I think I'd be willing to stick with it on good old setting 3 if the other features of the device were spot on. I did notice a difference in my PFM's after using this guy a few times. It at least help me to better target those muscles on my own when I do my Kegels. I just wish it would have felt better overall.
The Summary
Personally, I probably wouldn't pay $249.99 for a toy like this. I don't really "need" it.
However, I would recommend it for women who have had children or suffer from incontinence or have other PFM issues. Just about all the positive reviews for the toy come from women in this demographic.
So, if you're one of those women and would like to purchase this device, you can get 10% off by entering NAKED10 at checkout. My little gift to you and your hoo ha.
If you're my age or younger, haven't had kids, or just plain feel like your PFM's are in tip-top shape, save a little money and go for an iconic Rabbit or a new upgrade.
*The Intensity Stimulator device was sent to me free of charge. This is my opinion of the product.