I have to say, I'm grateful I started 30 Days to Sanity when I did.
Because if I hadn't, I'm not sure what sort of means they'd use to sedate me and handcuff me to a hospital bed. Or, you know, whatever they do to people who just fucking lose it.
This month has been bittersweet, to say the least.
Sad Puppy
First, The Sweet
I was given some big challenges at work, and as of yesterday, saw some of the fruits of that labor. It was intense, and there was a good chance all along that I might fail, but being on the other side of it showed me that with the right amount of focus, hard work, creativity, and support from talented bosses and co-workers, cool things can happen.
But it's been draining. Having a little system in place already that is helping me cut out digital clutter has been key. I seriously don't know how I'd be doing right now without 30 Days to Sanity. For realsies.
Second, The Bitter
I've also been going through some crazy upheaval in my personal life. This past week, in particular, has been an eye-opener...sometimes in a good way, sometimes bad.
I've been having these bird's eye view flashes of myself (yeah, yeah, stick with me here).
Like, in the midst of brokenness, I can see who I am, all laid out like a map. The good parts, the bad parts, what I want to keep, to throw away. The moments I did something beautiful. The moments I made excuses and ignored the little signals that could have prompted a positive re-direct.
But I guess that's what heartache is for. We can either wallow in the "bad feelings" part of it (which suck, to be sure) or use those feelings as a catalyst toward improvement and honest (and sometimes brutal) re-evaluation and re-prioritization.
Heartache is also a gentle nudge to get back to nowness. And again, while TOTALLY SUCKTASTIC, it can be a great way to appreciate minutia. Like, "I feel the tiniest bit better now than I did five minutes ago." Or, "OH GOD I WAS FINE WHY DID THAT PERSON HUG ME NOW I AM A SNOTTY SOBBING MESS IN PUBLIC."
All that to say, I'm here, but I'm also taking the time I need to accomplish what I need to professionally, emotionally, physically...all that good stuff.
I hope you are doing the same, though let's face it, we're all losing the tab battle, aren't we?